OK, so I was relaying this story to Lilly, and she convinced me I probably needed to post this on my blog. If any of you are grossed out by fast food or can’t possibly fathom why on earth someone would stoop so low as to eat at McDonald’s, you can stop reading right now.

From the time we were leaving entering Vermont, the crew I’m hiking with had been talking pretty heavily about getting McDonald’s. Different folks had different wants. Mine, specifically, was Chicken McNuggets. Every time I tell someone this they say, “You know McDonald’s makes real chicken tenders now, right?” What they don’t get is that I’m not going after the McNugget seeking a nice tender piece of fried chicken. The McNugget is kind of like powdered tea, a loose approximation of a particular food, while somehow managing to have it’s own unique and tasty flavor. I know what I’m in for with the McNugget: pre-fab, ultra processed, mold-injected chicken pieces.  I find the uniformity of the McNugget shape comforting. They are undoubtedly my favorite fast food item (next to In-N-Out burgers).

So here we are, headed into Manchester Center, VT one morning. First stop: you guessed it. It was 10:00AM, so breakfast was in order. I ordered 2 bacon egg and cheese biscuits, hash browns and coffee. Around 10:20, I finished up and waited for the menu to roll over to lunch at 10:30. I actually got to see the lady crank the menu and flip it over to lunch. What excitement. Once lunch was available, I ordered a 20 piece McNuggets with a kids-sized chocolate shake. Once I was finished with the second order, I was satisfied, and we headed out to do errands. After grocery shopping, doing laudry, and hitting the post office and the outfitter (a pretty typical list of town chores), it was close to 5:30PM. We were planning on hiking out three miles to the shelter north of town. Before we hitched out of town, we decided to hit McDonalds again. Hikers always take any opportunity they can to pack on the fat and calories, because trail food simply doesn’t cut it. For this McDs visit, I was hipped to the dollar menu. I placed my order for three double cheesburgers, a 4-piece McNugget, small fries and chocolate shake. This was easily the most gluttonous order I’d ever placed.

I consumed this order without much trouble. In fact, the three mile hike up a steep hill was easier than any other hill in recent memory. I was fairly convinced that McDonald’s was responsible. I’m envisioning a McDonald’s-sponsored hike next time I do this. I’d have a support crew that would meet me at various road crossings and provide me with my McDonald’s fix. I’m willing to bet the effect would be completely opposite of the Supersize Me guy. I’d become a hiking machine, finishing the trail in a record time.